But I don't wear my contacts or my glasses into the yoga studio. Forget the glasses, they will not stay on my head and the contacts will clog my eyes. So although my vision is wanting, my focus has become dead on. Instead of looking in the mirror as I had done at my home studios, here I focus on one stationary object (usually it's an orange water jug) in front of me. Of course, I can't see myself in the mirror most of the time anyway, but even when I can, I prefer to look not at myself, but at the reflection of a jug. With this focus, I'm able to balance much better than I had before, and I'm improving in the balancing series fairly well. I think -- I can't tell because I don't look at myself in the mirror. And in that regard, I had come to believe at one point that my yoga had become better, and I was fairly good at it! But then when I was close to the mirror one day I was shocked, SHOCKED, to see that my practice wasn't what I believed it to be. I guess you call that perspective.
But I have to admit, after eight weeks of a fairly consistent groundhog day experience, I've lost most of my perspective. I no longer remember what it's like to not do yoga twice a day, I can't figure out any more if I've lost weight or gained it, I don't know how I compare to what I was before, and I certainly don't know anymore how to consider this experience. I've lost the perspective with which to compare it. Some people here are getting so wrapped up in the politics of the group, I'm smart enough to avoid that, and others are judging people and events in ways that I think will embarrass them when they return home, so I guess I'm not the only one left wanting in the perspective department.
I am, however, looking forward to the day when I'm far enough away from this to give it some perspective. I know I'll miss parts of it, but I also know that I'll gain more meaning from it when it's a little farther away.
I got up on stage with Bikram on Friday. Even though I was washed out entirely from Thursday night's classes and the subsequent IV treatment, I felt ok enough to go up and get direction on the separate leg head to knee posture. He was pretty funny with me. He said that because I was trying hard and not doing it very well, I was getting 110% benefit -- those who do the pose easily don't get as much benefit. I take that to mean that I'm really getting a LOT of benefit from my entire practice!!!
Also today, I stood up when we were talking about bow pose, and told him that I came with excruciating back pain and now that's all gone, but my knees are killing me in standing bow and in the floor bow. He asked me why my backed ached so much and I told him I had been sitting at a computer for 20 years. He complimented me and said that I must have started sitting at the computer since I was 5 years old! Perhaps his vision needs some help too!!! Anyway he told me to take the knee pain, it will go away eventually, so I will.
All in all, I will have done 99 yoga classes while here. This evening, I completed the 91st class. That's pretty cool, I have to admit.