I'm staying in the Roseville area with my dear friends Robyn and Cindi. Along with my awesome brother Bob and his lovely girlfriend, we enjoyed a tremendously relaxing and bountiful Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful for all of my friends and so glad that Robyn and Cin have offered their spare bedroom for the meantime, but I still feel so out of sorts since returning. I'm teaching as much as I can and again, am grateful to Patty for offering me what she can in regards to classes and helping to run a thing or two at the studio. But still...I don't feel like I belong here any more. I suppose in a way that's a good thing, and I'm holding on to that discomfort because if I do get comfortable sleeping on a futon bed in the spare bedroom of friends, then that says something very bad about who I have become.
I'm absolutely jonesing for my own home and space. I want so much to just jet over to the place I feel I belong and get a home, start a studio, begin a LIFE again. But I know that I have to get some teaching under my belt, I have to get this thesis completed and I have to stick it out here for the meantime, and get comfortable with this uncomfortableness. Embrace it, in a way, and keep my eyes, ears and heart open to the next phase. This is temporary...
...I am still feeling awkward about having an open schedule. I feel like I'm wasting so much time because I'm not locked into 8:30 yoga, lunch, lecture, yoga, lecture, bed. Also, the yoga I'm doing here feels so much different than yoga with 300 people. In some ways it's easier, I'm not dying from the humidity and heat, I'm not bumping into others in full locust, but it's also harder, I feel so removed from the other people in the studio, it's almost a lonely experience, and I seem to have lost any of the balance I gained in Acapulco. I'm having trouble standing on one foot again. Perhaps that's because I'm wearing shoes again and my feet are changing shape. I am definitely stronger and certainly more flexible, I just feel....weird.
Can anyone shed light on this peculiarity?